What Not To Say to My Five Year Old This Summer

by Wendy Bradford

I have always wanted to write a “What Not to Say” piece--"What Not to Say to Pregnant Women," "...to New Mothers," etc. I figured being a mother of twins was my best shot. 

Who knew that my five-year-old daughter would do most of the work for me (again) and give me a blog post? 

Gauging from her reactions this week, I’ve assembled a list of seven things you should not say to a five-year-old girl. In August. In or near my apartment.

Don’t say: “Hi princess!”

Because: Mommy, everyone at camp is calling me a princess! This is the worstest day of my life. (Note: She was wearing a tiara.)

Don’t say: Song lyrics of any kind within one foot of her head.

Because: Mommy, Rider, that little boy in camp, was singing in my FACE! This is the worstest day for me.

Don’t say: “You don’t need to compare drawings with your sister’s. There is no ‘best.’ I love them both.”

Because: YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!

Don’t say: “Where’s Ellie?”

Because: Mommy, in computers, the counselor asked ‘where’s Ellie?’ and EVERYONE TURNED AROUND TO LOOK AT ME! This is the worstest day of my life.

Don’t say: “What do you want for lunch tomorrow? Turkey?”

Because: You never listen to me! OOOOH! I can’t take this anymore.

Don’t say: “I think you’re just tired and it’s time for bed.”

Because: You are the worst mother ever and you’re never nice to me! YOU DON’T EVEN LOVE ME! This is the worstest day!

Please don’t say: “Well, tomorrow’s another day!”

Because: MOMMY NO!